When the Kid Causes Parental Insanity

Throughout my experience as a counselor, there has been a consistent trend of a certain category of child.  I have seen successful, intelligent, and compassionate parents come to the edge of sanity trying to effectively parent and discipline a certain type of child.  This category of child is usually male, although it does not exclude females.  The category goes beyond Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder, although it can include these.  These children tend to increase their challenging behavior the more “good” parents pour on their “good” parenting skills.  Ironically, these very same parenting skills are typically successful with the other one to five children in the family but somehow backfire with this one special child.  These parents fluctuate from blaming themselves and feeling like failures to blaming this particular child and wondering if the babies were switched at the hospital.  Both of these extremes are typically not healthy or helpful for the family dynamic, nor are they actually true.

Let me describe a little about this particular type of child.  He tends to be physically active, seeks abundant attention, and will either argue or question every directive.  He will have tantrums or meltdowns (they look different as he gets older), which usually occur later in the day or evening.  He has difficulty multi-tasking and easily “forgets” anything that is not on his personal to-do/wish list.  This child can drain every emotional reservoir within 50 feet of him, but somehow he can still pull off a charming and likeable persona, which confuses the matter all the more.  These kids are fun and funny.  They are the guys that could take the party to the next level when they get older.  I will talk about these guys as they get older in another blog.  These kids sometimes have learning problems or at least they do not conform to the crowd in their learning styles.  They appear to be lazy in some areas of life but very motivated in other areas of life, such as an abiding commitment to watching television or playing video games.  If only marriages had the type of commitment and time investment that these kids have involved with visual stimulation.  These kids can be a blast and actually lead productive law-abiding lives (most of them anyways), but it does require an entirely different mindset and set of skills to nurture and guide them along the way.  Stay tuned for more about this new mindset and skill set.

-Curtis McGown, LMHC

http://www.curtismcgown.weebly.com/